


keep on keeping on

by zornslemon



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Background Keyleth/Kashaw, F/F, Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 16:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11513280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zornslemon/pseuds/zornslemon
Summary: A year after Vax dies, Vex goes back to the Slayer's Take.





	keep on keeping on

**Author's Note:**

> The bulk of this was written after episode 103, and it is canon compliant through that episode. I believe it has already been contradicted by canon in a few ways, and I'm sure even more of it will directly conflict with canon as the show goes on.
> 
> On that note, because this is canon compliant (up to a point), I do discuss the canon relationships between Vex and Percy and between Vax and Keyleth, although (as you may be able to tell from the tags) neither of those pairings ends up together in this fic. While this is not a fic that necessarily focuses on shipping, if you are a fan of the canon ships, you might not be super happy with this fic, so so use your own judgment.
> 
> Many thanks to Attila who betaed this fic and whose advice led to several crucially important edits. Title comes from "My Silver Lining" by First Aid Kit, which is a song from the first official Vex playlist.

Vax doesn’t ascend, not really. There’s no beacon of heavenly light as the Raven Queen takes him into her service. In fact, there’s so little fanfare that Vex isn’t even sure of the exact moment he leaves. One moment, she’s hugging him, celebrating that Vecna is gone, that they’ve succeeded. The next, she turns to say something to Percy, and when she looks back, Vax is gone. For a moment, she thinks he’s just hiding, since that’s what he does after all, he hides, but slowly it dawns on her what’s happened, and she breaks.

She falls to her knees, suddenly too weary to support her own weight. She’s vaguely aware of Keyleth clutching her, but mostly, she can’t process anything that’s happening, because half of her is gone, and there’s no way to get him back. The Raven Queen won’t let her have him back.

She looks up the sky and says quietly but emphatically, “You raven bitch.”

\---

It’s at least an hour before Keyleth manages to teleport them back to Whitestone, wordlessly opening up a tree and letting them all stumble into the town square. Most of the party heads towards the castle, but Vex turns towards her own house, and Keyleth follows, both of them silently aware that they need each other right now.

Vex pops Trinket out of the necklace as soon as they get into the living room, and both of them collapse on top of him, too tired to make it to a bedroom, and they barely move for the next few days. Pike stops by a few times and brings them baked goods from The Slayer’s Cake, and Percy stops by a few times and brings them actual food, but they nibble at them disinterestedly, too grief stricken to care about anything.

Vex loses track of the days they stay huddled in that room, but it can’t have been more than a week when Percy barges in, throws the curtains open, and says, “Okay, get up.”

“Percy, what are you doing?” Keyleth mumbles, squinting at the sunlight.

“Pike has to leave for Vasselheim, and Grog is going with her,” Percy says.

“So soon?” Vex asks.

“Pike said that Sarenrae was calling her back, or something along those lines,” Percy says. “I don’t really understand gods.”

“They’re all assholes,” Vex says, on instinct, unable to do anything but bite back as she thinks of the Raven Queen once again.

“Well, we can debate the existence of a benevolent god later,” Percy says. “I just thought you’d like to see them off.”

Vex nods, and slowly the two of them rise to their feet, Vex popping Trinket back into her necklace so they have more space. Percy, seeing how disheveled Vex and Keyleth are, starts to help them get ready, pulling a clean outfit for Vex out of her closet and digging through it until he finds a dress that will fit Keyleth well enough. Vex pulls on the new clothes, and Percy redoes the clasp on her necklace before reaching up to re-braid her hair.

“Stop,” Vex says.

“I know I’m not good with hair styling, but I can do a simple braid. Just let me help,” Percy says.

“It’s not that,” Vex says. “It’s that he used to do my hair.”

“Oh,” Percy says, pulling away. He hands Vex her bow and Keyleth her staff. “Let’s go.”

\---

Scanlan leaves a week later, saying he’s left his business in Kaylie’s hands for too long and that he has to get back to Ank’Harel before she gets too many big ideas.

“Well, I’m off to Marquet,” Scanlan says, dragging a comically large suitcase through the front hall of Whitestone Castle. “Vex, you’re always welcome to visit me there so that you can marvel at how, as a drug kingpin, I’m much richer than you.”

And Vex wants to snark back, because that’s what she and Scanlan do, and it’s not like she hasn’t developed enough retorts for people who say she’s not rich enough, but after the last few weeks, it doesn’t feel right.

Instead, she says, “So you’re not going to say a proper fucking goodbye?”

“I’ll say goodbye to your bear,” Scanlan says. “Goodbye, Trinket. I’m so glad I’m finally truly leaving you behind.”

“Scanlan,” Vex says, glaring at him.

“Fine, goodbye. What, do you need me to say it in Gnomish? Should I unpack my shawm and play a cheerful goodbye ditty?” Scanlan says.

“I mean, I just wanted to say goodbye like a normal person, but if you want to be weird about it, fine, go back to your fabulous drug-filled life,” Vex says, throwing up her arms.

Scanlan frowns. “What’s this all about? I mean, I know you’re weird about the bear, but usually you’re way cooler than this.”

Vex pauses and then quietly says, “I didn’t get to say goodbye to Vax. I just wanted to be able to say goodbye to the rest of you.”

The room grows quiet for a minute, and then Scanlan says. “Goodbye, Vex. I know that I’m an asshole, but it’s been a fun ride.”

“Goodbye, you little weirdo,” Vex says, leaning down to hug Scanlan. “You’re only an asshole some of the time.”

They break the hug, and Scanlan turns to leave the castle, then turns back and says, “One more thing. Are you sure I can’t True Polymorph Trinket into diamonds?”

“Okay, I was wrong. You’re always an asshole.”

“Think of how much money you’d have. You’d almost be richer than me.”

“Such an asshole.”

\---

Keyleth stays in Whitestone, staying in Tary’s old room, and slowly they try to go back to life as normal or at least as normal as things can be when Vox Machina no longer exists. They take shifts at the bakery and start to look into hiring new people, since it doesn’t really make sense to keep running it themselves with Pike in Vasselheim and Tary in Wildmount and all of them sort of moving on with their lives, and it’s not like they have the “closed for adventuring” excuse now. Vex answers letters from Syngorn and deals with business around Whitestone. In practical terms, all that’s really changed is that she’s started finding routes through Whitestone that don’t go by the makeshift temple to the Raven Queen that Percy set up, since Vex can’t stand to even look at it. Keyleth uses druid spells to help out local farmers and has long conversations with the Sun Tree, which is a little weird, but she wouldn’t be Keyleth if she weren’t a little weird.

It’s been a little over a month, and they’re eating dinner when Vex tells Keyleth, “We need to talk about the elephant in the room.”

“Does that mean you want me to turn into an elephant again? That was fun,” Keyleth says, clearly trying to avoid having this conversation.

“No, I remember the property damage that did to Scanlan’s mansion, and I put an awful lot of work into this house,” Vex says. “I think you know what I’m going to talk about.”

Keyleth sighs. “You’re going to ask when I’m going back to Zephra.”

“Well, yes,” Vex says. “Wasn’t that the point of your whole Aramente? Isn’t that why we fought that kraken?”

“It was. It’s just… this is going to sound stupid.”

“Are you going to jump off a cliff and turn into a goldfish again?”

“No,” Keyleth says. “I sort of set the bar for stupid with that one, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you really did,” Vex says. “What is it?”

“It’s just that I was supposed to go back to Zephra with him, and if I go back without him, it’s like admitting that this is real, and he’s really gone,” Keyleth says.

“Yeah, I can understand it,” Vex says. “You want to know something stupid?”

“Yeah.”

“I keep thinking he’s with you,” Vex says.

“With me? Why?”

“Every time, we had been apart before, he was with you in Zephra or on that one Slayer’s Take mission or, well, that’s it, really. We’d never really been apart except when he was with you in Zephra, so sometimes I’ll think ‘I can’t find Vax because he’s in Zephra with Keyleth,’ and then I’ll see you and remember what really happened,” Vex says.

“So you want me to leave so you can pretend Vax is with me?” Keyleth says.

“No, of course not,” Vex says, though if she’s being honest, she probably does just a little. “It’s just that we’re reaching a point where we have to admit it’s real and live the lives we were supposed to have. I mean, I’m a fucking mess, but at least I’m still a baroness. You should get to lead your tribe.”

“I guess I should start packing,” Keyleth says quietly. “I just don’t want to go back and have to pretend that nothing happened. I want to do something to acknowledge him.”

“You teach people, right?” Vex says. “That’s what you do as a headmistress, you teach the younger druids.”

“That’s actually only a really small part of it, but, yeah, I guess,” Keyleth says.

“Tell them about him,” Vex says. “I mean, tell them about all of us, we’re fucking legendary heroes, but make sure to tell them about every terrible, stupid, wonderful thing my brother did.”

Keyleth smiles weakly. “He did so many stupid things, didn’t he?”

“So many.”

“Hey, remember that time he teleported inside a dragon?”

“Well, that was partially Scanlan’s fault,” Vex says.

“Yeah, but he did decide to go along with it,” Keyleth says.

“Yeah, that was really stupid,” Vex says. “Not as stupid as jumping off a cliff and turning into a goldfish.”

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?” Keyleth says.

“No, sorry,” Vex says. “I was the only one to actually see it happen. I have to get some leverage out of it.”

Keyleth scrunches her face. “Hey, remember that time that Vax thought he could just barge into the Briarwoods’ room and pretend to be a janitor?”

Vex laughs. “Yeah, he had to use that stupid code word to tell us he was getting killed.”

“How did he come up with jenga anyways?” Keyleth asks.

“I think he just thought it sounded funny,” Vex says. “It is sort of a funny word, isn’t it?”

“He was a funny guy,” Keyleth says. She smiles weakly. “I’ll make sure everyone knows about jenga.”

\---

It takes another week, but Keyleth goes back to Zephra, leaving Vex alone with Percy in Whitestone, and Vex does her best to live a life. It’s not so easy.

When Vax had first gone to Zephra with Keyleth, back during the year they took off, Vex had cried every night when Percy was away or asleep. She had felt stupid doing it. She had a great life, she and Vax had talked at length before he left, and Vax and Keyleth were going to spend half their time in Whitestone anyways, so it’s not like it really mattered that Vax was gone half the time. Still, Vex hadn’t been able to stop herself from crying. With Vax half a continent away, it felt like she was separated from a part of herself, that it was just wrong to not have him there for her or be there for him.

Two months after Vax dies, Vex has stopped crying, but she still feels like a part of her is missing. Mostly, she feels numb.

The thing Vex realizes over the next few months is that she doesn’t like being a noblewoman very much. In theory, it’s everything she’s ever wanted, and it does give her all the money and status she so desperately wanted through her childhood, but in practice, the actual task of governance is just sort of dull in comparison to all her adventures of the last few years. Being Mistress of the Grey Hunt helps, since Percy was right that it’s a great fit for her, but the woods around Whitestone are pretty calm, and there’s just not that much to do on that front.

She realizes one day that the only reason she had been so happy in the year Vox Machina was on hiatus was that she had spent most of her free time researching Orcus, preparing for the next great adventure. These days, there is no next adventure, and Vex can’t stand it. Sometimes, when she’s in a particularly self-destructive mood, she considers going back to her research and somehow trying to singlehandedly fight Orcus, just in case killing him would convince the Raven Queen to give Vax back, but she knows that that’s not how it works. Vax never really explained the details of the deal he struck with the Raven Queen, but it was pretty clear that none of them could do anything to change them, and in any case, this is what Vax wanted. Vex hates it, hates that she can’t do anything about a deal that was only struck to save her life, but she knows better than to try to do anything about it.

She goes on her first diplomatic mission to Syngorn a few months after Vax dies, and as she’s preparing for the trip, she suddenly realizes that their father doesn’t know about Vax. She doesn’t write him regularly, Vax didn’t write him at all, and it’s not like it came up in any of the handful of letters she sent to Syngorn discussing official business, so there’s no way for him to know.

She sips tea in Syldor’s sitting room and explains as much as she can about what happened to Vax, and as she talks to him, she feels all the resolve she had about forgiving him slip away. It’s not because of anything he says or does. In fact, he actually seems appropriately sad about Vax’s death. Looking at him, though, Vex can’t stand that he’s the only family she has, that she’s lost a wonderful mother and a wonderful brother and somehow is still stuck with a father who never wanted to be a father in the first place and never managed to be a good one. It’s just not fair.

She doesn’t go back to hating Syldor, because she’s already bitter about too many things, and it’s not like anything that happened recently was his fault, but she can’t be quite so charitable as she once was.

\---

It’s just over a year since Vax’s death when Percy proposes, and Vex is stunned.

It’s not like she couldn’t have seen it coming. He’d been talking a lot about plans for the future and had mentioned something about redoing the master bedroom during castle renovations, and it all sort of makes sense, but all Vex thinks is that this isn’t the life she wants. A year and a half ago, she would have been thrilled to marry Percy. Now, she thinks that if she married him, she’d just grow even number.

“No,” she says after a moment of stunned silence.

“What?” Percy says.

“No,” Vex says. “I can’t marry you.”

Percy takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. “I’ll be honest. I wasn’t expecting that. You’re within your right to refuse, obviously, but can I ask why?”

“Because I’m not happy here, Percy,” Vex says.

“You never mentioned anything,” Percy says.

“Well, you know how we both are about talking about our feelings,” Vex says.

Percy sighs and walks over a cupboard. He pulls out a bottle that Vex recognizes after a minute. Courage. How appropriate.

“Sit,” he says, putting the bottle down on a small table and pulling out glasses. “How can I make things better?”

“You’re not going to like the answer,” Vex says.

“I never do at first, but you always manage to change my mind,” Percy says.

“I mean it this time,” Vex says. “I need you to let me go.”

Percy sighs and pours the drinks, passing a glass to Vex and taking a sip of his own. “Are you sure that’s the only way?”

“Oh, it probably isn’t, but it’s the only one that’s fair to you,” Vex says. “You’ve always tried to give me everything I want, and I love being a baroness, but it turns out I’m not actually very good at being a noble.”

“That’s the secret about nobility,” Percy says. “None of us are very good at it.”

“You say that, but it’s not true, is it?” Vex says. “You were raised to be a noble. I know the Briarwoods threw things off track for you, but your happy ending was always coming back to Whitestone and being a noble here. I mean, that’s what you wanted for us, right? To be the Lord and Lady of Whitestone?”

“I rather thought that was what you wanted,” Percy says.

“So did I, but I think I’m realizing it’s not,” Vex says. “I’ve been on the move since I was fifteen. I’m happier that way.”

“Then we’ll work something out,” Percy says. “I’m not exactly a homebody either.”

“Yeah, but you belong here,” Vex says. “You worked so hard to take Whitestone back and restore it, and you have your lab here, and I know it scares you and sometimes you think it would be easier to run away, but I also know that deep down, you want to lead Whitestone. You deserve to be with someone who wants to rule alongside you.”

Percy sighs and says nothing. Vex studies his face, and she can see the longing in his eyes, and she knows he isn’t convinced.

“If you won’t stay here for yourself, do it for Cassandra,” Vex says, breaking the silence. “You put the responsibility of governing Whitestone on her too long, and it made sense, because you had to deal with dragons and liches, but those days are over. If nothing else, you owe it to her to stay here and carry your weight.”

Percy takes another swig of his drink. “You know, you have a terrible habit of being right about things.”

“I know,” Vex says, smiling weakly.

“So are you leaving Whitestone, then?” Percy asks.

“Yes, I’m leaving Whitestone,” Vex says, suddenly certain that she has to. “Maybe not immediately, but soon.”

“Where will you go?”

Vex hesitates, because she hasn’t exactly thought that far ahead. She thinks, trying to remember if there was ever a time she was happy without Vax around. Only one thing comes to mind.

“Vasselheim,” she says. “I’m going to go back to the Slayer’s Take. I know hunting things for money isn’t going to save the world, but it’s the sort of thing I like doing, and I’m really good at it.”

Percy nods slowly. “I’ll have someone look into arranging transportation to Vasselheim.”

“Percy, I’m sorry,” Vex says. “I love you, and I really wish that I could be the sort of woman who would be a good wife for you, and I really hope you find someone who can.”

She throws back the rest of her drink, finishing it in a single gulp, and leaves the room before Percy can say anything.

\---

She doesn’t go to the Slayer’s Take immediately. She has another stop to make first.

Pike’s sweeping the temple when Vex gets there, and Vex almost wants to laugh at the sight of this high priestess, a woman Vex once saw go to the Fields of Elysium to personally talk to Sarenrae, happily doing a task that she could assign to the lowest acolyte. When Pike sees Vex, she puts down the broom and runs up to hug Vex, and she’s still Pike, still caring and sweet and irreverent, and it’s good to know that not everything has changed.

They go to the Crucible with Grog, and even though Vex has seen Pike fight dragons and demons and wannabe gods, there’s still something really impressive about watching her beat up a guy who’s more than double her size. They order too many rounds of ale, and Vex drunkenly tries to hit on a woman who Grog struck out with. She has slightly more success but only slightly more.

She’s still young. She’s still hot. She can still have a life.

She goes through the Duskmeadow on her way back to the Slayer’s Take just to spit on the steps of the Raven Queen’s temple.

\---

It’s coincidence or fate or maybe some combination of the two that Vex steps into the front hall of the guild house when Zahra and Kashaw are there, talking to Vanessa about something.

Zahra spots her first, and when she does, she instantly stops what she’s doing and pulls Vex into a long hug.

“Darling, it’s so good to see you,” Zahra says. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Yes, well, it takes so long for letters to get to Vasselheim. It didn’t seem practical to write ahead,” Vex says.

Kashaw cuts in. “Hey, Z, where did you go? We haven’t finished… Oh, it’s you,” he says, catching sight of Vex.

“Hello, Kashaw,” Vex says.

“Z told me about your brother,” he says. “I’m sorry. That sucks.”

“It’s sort of your fault, technically,” Vex says, and she knows she shouldn’t lash out at him, but she’s thought too much about the night she died, and she has to get this off her chest. “It was all a part of the deal he made with the Raven Queen when you brought me back.”

“Yeah, well, I did tell Keyleth that bringing you back was a bad idea,” Kashaw says. “Clearly I should never do anything for you assholes.”

“Yes, because you certainly wouldn’t have brought her back regardless, out of the goodness of your heart,” Zahra says, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“My heart is a cold shriveled nub, and you know it,” Kashaw says. “But seriously, that sucks. He was a good man.”

“I always thought you sort of hated him, really,” Vex says, because she can taunt him, so she does and because she knows it’s not entirely untrue. Vex has never known Kashaw particularly well, but she knows he wasn’t exactly happy that Vax wound up with Keyleth and was kind of mad at all of them for the whole “go find us a large beast that oops we don’t actually need” incident.

“I mean, sometimes, yeah, a little bit. He was kind of obnoxious, but he was a good guy, and he was actually pretty entertaining,” Kashaw says. “You know, Scanlan thought I was madly in love with him.”

“You weren’t? Now I’m just offended,” Vex says.

“Hey, I’m talking about him, not you,” Kashaw says.

“Fuck off, we look… looked the same,” Vex says, faltering. “We looked the same.”

“So, uh, what horrible thing do you want from us this time?” Kashaw asks, awkwardly shifting topics.

“Nothing,” Vex says.

“Yeah, right,” Kashaw says. “There’s always something with you guys.”

“I’m serious,” Vex says. “I’m a member of the Slayer’s Take. I thought I’d take some time to be a member of the Slayer’s Take.”

Zahra takes a step closer to her. “Are you looking to take a contract, then?”

“Well, I do hear that that’s what you do here,” Vex says. “Do you have one?”

“As it happens, Vanessa just gave us a new one,” Zahra says. Her lips quirk up. “It’s sort of perfect, actually. One adult white dragon.”

\---

They head out into the woods, since, despite Vex’s all too vivid memories of the Chroma Conclave, dragons don’t generally set up shop in major cities. They make pretty good time, but it was already mid-afternoon when they left the city, and it isn’t all that long before they have to make camp for the night. (It’s only partially prompted by Kashaw complaining that he doesn’t have freak eyes that see in the dark.)

Kashaw takes first watch while there’s still enough light in the sky that his “nice normal human eyes” can still sort of see, and Vex and Zahra huddle around the fire. It’s getting into late spring, and the weather’s been getting warmer, but Vasselheim is well known for its cold climate, and it’s been awhile since Vex has slept outside.

“So, darling,” Zahra says as Vex leans in closer to the fire, “what are you doing here? I thought you were off living your fabulous life as a baroness?” She intentionally overpronounces the last word to make the title sound more important and, fuck, Vex has missed her.

Vex sighs, trying to decide how much to say, eventually deciding that she’s not ready to talk about Percy yet. “I needed a change,” she says, almost disgusted at how generic an answer that is. “It turns out that I’m not a very good baroness.”

“Now, that I highly doubt,” Zahra says. “You’re quite remarkable, darling. I imagine you could handle the job well enough.”

“Then, I guess, I didn’t want to be a baroness or, at least, not just a baroness. I do still have the title, technically,” Vex says. (That had hurt too—Percy in spite of all his heartbreak insisting that she keep the title, because she had rightfully earned it, and it was really just land and money anyways, so it didn’t matter if she was in Whitestone to do anything with it.)

“Well, I suppose I can’t argue with that,” Zahra says, but she’s examining Vex’s face intently, and she doesn’t stop when Vex doesn’t say anything more.

“Are you surprised?” Vex asks, breaking the silence.

“Well, honestly, yes,” Zahra says. “Not that I don’t love having you here, but I do remember how excited you were when you got your title. I thought it was what you wanted.”

“So did I. I don’t know. Maybe it would have been enough if Vax were still around,” Vex says. She chuckles. “Maybe not. You know, Vax and I always used to take pride in being so much less repressed and haughty than the elves in Syngorn, but I think we may have inherited a bit of their talent for self-denial.”

“I would hardly call you repressed or haughty,” Zahra says.

Vex laughs. “No, it’s not exactly that, but it’s… When Vax was still alive, leading up to the end of things with Vox Machina, he kept talking about how excited he was to move to Zephra and settle down with Keyleth and, I don’t know, raise hippie druid babies, but when the Raven Queen offered him that deal, he seemed pretty happy to take it. I think deep down, he always wanted to go out in a blaze of glory saving all his friends. Meanwhile, I always said I wanted status and money.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve given up your materialistic ways,” Zahra says. “It would be a shame if you couldn’t appreciate the deals I can get us when shopping.”

Vex puts her hand on her chest in mock horror. “Zahra, I’ve changed. I haven’t been possessed by a demon.”

“I had to check,” Zahra says. “So, pray tell, what do you want deep down?”

“Belonging,” Vex says instantly. “Family, though that’s a bit harder to come by these days.” She takes a deep breath. “Freedom.”

“Well, we’re a bit of a sorry choice for the first two, though Kash is less of an asshole once you get to know him,” Zahra says. “As for freedom, you did sort of take it to the extreme by running off into an uninhabited forest where I believe we once got attacked by orcs.”

“Well, clearly I’m too good for an ordinary take on freedom,” Vex says, her lips curving into a faint smile. “I am a baroness, after all.”

\---

They kill the dragon, and then they kill a purple worm, and then they kill some slaad, and over time, Vex gets used to being in Vasselheim. She doesn’t really get to know the other members of the Slayer’s Take that well. She’s out filling contracts most of the time, and when she’s not, she tends to stick with Zahra, who mostly sticks with Kashaw, who doesn’t really like people who aren’t Zahra. Still, the guild house has plenty of amenities, and even if it’s not exactly lavish, Vex comes to like it.

She’s been with the Slayer’s Take for about two months when someone she doesn’t expect walks into the guild house.

“Cassandra, what are you doing here?” Vex says, suddenly standing up. It’s the middle of the day, and there’s no one else around.

“The same thing as you,” Cassandra says. “I want to join the Slayer’s Take.”

“Oh,” Vex says. “I never knew that sort of thing interested you.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t know me very well, do you?” Cassandra says.

Vex bites her lip, because Cassandra has a point. Cassandra had taken meals with her and Percy sometimes, and she was pretty much always around the castle, but it’s true that Vex has always just sort of seen her as Percy’s younger yet somehow much more responsible sister.

“No, I don’t, I suppose,” Vex says. “So what brings you to the Slayer’s Take?”

“Delilah Briarwood ruined my life,” Cassandra says. “I know that a lot of people can say that, and I’m one of the lucky ones to have made it out alive and relatively okay, but I spent basically all my teenage years in her thrall, and I thought that when I stabbed her and threw her in acid, that that was it, that I was taking my life back, but I wasn’t really, was I? Delilah came back, and I didn’t get to do anything about it, because I was stuck ruling Whitestone. I’ve been feeling sort of helpless ever since.”

“You know that the Slayer’s Take isn’t exactly heroic work, right?” Vex asks. “We’re basically monster bounty hunters.”

“Yeah, but it’s something,” Cassandra says, smiling weakly. “Percy always got to have great adventures. It’s time for me to get a turn.”

“Well, as long as you know what you’re getting yourself into,” Vex says. “I can introduce you to Vanessa, but you’ll have to do the rest yourself. I should warn you that the initiation isn’t easy, and they’re not going to give you any special treatment just because you know me. Percy definitely went unconscious during ours.”

Cassandra smiles. “Well, I do like one-upping Percy.”

Vex bites her lip again. “How did he take you leaving?”

Cassandra shrugs. “I mean, he wasn’t entirely happy about it, but he’s handling it okay. He kind of owes me for leaving me in Whitestone all those times. He actually suggested I go here when I told him I was interested in leaving Whitestone.”

“He did?” Vex asks.

“I think he thought that if we’re both going to leave, we should at least be able to look after each other,” Cassandra says.

“Well, now, I feel sort of bad,” Vex says.

“I mean, you should,” Cassandra says, her gaze going steely for just a second. “You broke his heart. You know that, right?”

“I know. I’m doing my best to live with it,” Vex says. “You know, you left him too.”

Cassandra sighs. “He left me first. And I guess we can’t all be devoted sisters.”

And that hurts, because Vex can’t imagine having a sibling and not wanting to do anything and everything for them, even though she knows from Percy that he and Cassandra have always had a rocky relationship. She knows that there’s nothing she can say that won’t be unfair to Cassandra, so she says nothing and looks away.

\---

Cassandra passes her initiation with flying colors. Based on what she says about it, Vex also gets the impression that Vox Machina had gotten initial challenges that were much more difficult than normal, since Vanessa had been mad at them for killing the hydra. She wonders what Zahra and Kashaw did to get stuck with them, though she suspects that it probably came down to bad luck and also that if she were ever to ask, Kashaw would start grumbling about how terrible Vox Machina is again.

After that, Cassandra joins them on about half their contracts, which is weird the first time, because the last time Vex saw her fight, she was fighting with the Briarwoods against Vox Machina. Then, Cassandra gets the kill on the flail snail they’re fighting (which, despite the ridiculous name, is apparently a real thing with a very valuable shell), and Vex gets over it. It’s been two and a half years since Cassandra working for the Briarwoods was a concern.

The second time Vex sees Cassandra fight, it’s weird, because Cassandra’s fighting style is achingly familiar. There’s something about the way she sneaks ahead to backstab the monsters they fight, only to dart back and start throwing daggers when she realizes she probably can’t take that much damage that makes Vex miss Vax more than she normally does. She thinks she’ll get over that too, especially since Cassandra has a somewhat different fighting style and prefers her shortsword over daggers anyways, but they’re in a third fight together and then a fourth, and Vex can’t shake the feeling she’s seen a ghost.

The fifth time they’re in a fight together, trying to take down a surprisingly stubborn xorn, Cassandra falls unconscious, and Vex panics, because this can’t be happening. No one else she knows can lose family. Percy can’t lose his last sibling. She begins to run over, prepared to force a healing potion down Cassandra’s throat, but Kashaw gets her back on her feet pretty quickly, and Vex is quickly reminded that he’s both standing closer to Cassandra and an actual healer. She feels kind of stupid after that, but mostly, she spends the entire fight feeling more nervous than she has since she fought Vecna himself.

They take a moment to catch their breaths after the fight before trying to figure out how to harvest the various monster bits they need to bring back, and Vex walks over to Cassandra.

“Are you okay?” Vex asks. “That was a rough one.”

“I’m okay. I guess it’s good we have a cleric,” Cassandra says. She looks down, a little sheepish. “I just wish I were faster. I couldn’t get in all the attacks I wanted and get away in time to stop it from clobbering me.”

Vex looks down this time, glancing at the boots she’s worn ever since Vax was disintegrated by Vecna. She thinks it over for a moment and then sits down and takes them off, thankful that she has a spare pair of boots in her pack.

“Boots of Haste,” she says, handing them to Cassandra. “They should fix that problem.”

“Thanks,” Cassandra says, slightly hesitant, though she takes the boots and sits next to Vex, beginning to unbuckle her own boots. “I’ve seen these before. Weren’t they Vax’s?”

“Yes, well, they didn’t match the look of the raven armor anyways,” Vex says.

“And how do they go with my armor?” Cassandra says, a glint in her eye.

“Fantastically, obviously,” Vex says. “It’s really nice armor.”

“It was my mother’s,” Cassandra says. She’s quiet for a minute, then says, “Do you think it’s weird that we keep wearing and using all this stuff that belonged to dead people?”

“I think it’s just the nature of the business,” Vex says. “Honestly, I don’t think too much about it. There was a long time when I took whatever I could get or, you know, whatever Vax could steal, and I got into the habit of not thinking about where my things were coming from or who had them last.”

“Yeah, I kind of know what that’s like,” Cassandra says. “I mean, it’s not really the same at all, but I did break a teacup three months ago because I suddenly remembered Delilah drinking out of it. It wasn’t the first dish I broke that way.”

“You know, you probably could buy new dishes for the castle,” Vex says. “I’ve seen the treasury. You can certainly afford it.”

“Yeah, but before they belonged to Briarwoods, they belonged to my parents, so I kind of have to keep them, you know?” Cassandra says.

“Yeah,” Vex says weakly. “My mother’s house was burnt down by a dragon. That doesn’t tend to leave much stuff. Or any, really.”

“But you have Vax’s stuff, at least?” Cassandra says.

Vex shakes her head. “He still has it. I think he’s still using it somehow, doing whatever weird creepy thing he’s doing for the Raven Queen. I only have the boots, because I sort of stole them from him before he died.”

“So these are all you have left of him?” Cassandra asks, looking down at the boots, a look of concern on her face.

“I have a few other things that I took off him over the years, though the boots were sort of a big one,” Vex says. “It’s fine. You clearly need them more than me, and I have my memories of Vax. That’s more important than his things.”

Cassandra smiles. “You know, I’m going to have to go to that one shopkeeper who’s terrified of you and tell him that you’re not actually horrible and materialistic.”

“Don’t you dare,” Vex says. “I have a reputation to maintain.”

\---

She goes back to Whitestone four months in, because she still has occasional business there, given that Percy insisted she keep her title. (With a few months and bit of perspective, she’s glad that he did. She may not want to live the life of a noblewoman full time, but it’s still really cool getting to say she’s a baroness.) She hasn’t written Percy since leaving Whitestone, and she’s planning to go to the castle to set up a meeting with him, since she has to talk to him about a few pieces of business and also because part of her just wants to talk to him. She’s never really had a proper ex before, since being on the move with Vax tended to lead to a lot more casual flings and one-night stands than real relationships, and she’s not really sure how to proceed, but she figures she should just get their first conversation over with.

As it turns out, that conversation happens sooner than planned. Vex stops by the general store on her way into town to pick up a few things she forgot to pack, and she’s wandering through the aisles when she spots Percy. He spots her a second later, and they both freeze.

Percy breaks the silence first. “Vex, I didn’t know you were in town.”

“I just arrived a few minutes ago.”

“How’s my sister?” Percy asks.

“She’s doing really well,” Vex says. “She helped us kill a froghemoth last week.”

Percy frowns. “A froghemoth? Is that just a really big frog?”

“Sort of,” Vex says. “I mean, it’s more badass than calling it a really big frog makes it sound.”

“Yes, of course. I would never want to doubt your badassery,” Percy says. There’s a lull, and then he says. “And everyone else in Vasselheim? Is Zahra still forging weapons?”

“She is. You know, when we’re not busy tracking down monsters,” Vex says. She doesn’t mention that Zahra’s begun to make her enchanted arrows, since she’s pretty sure that would just hurt Percy more.

“Naturally,” Percy says. There’s another pause, longer this time, and Vex starts to desperately think of something to say when Percy speaks again. “I’ve been writing to Tary a lot lately.”

“Good,” Vex says. “I’m glad you’re keeping in touch. How is he?”

“He’s been really good,” Percy says. “He’s too busy with his brigade to invent much these days, so he’s been passing designs onto me.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re keeping busy,” Vex says, biting her lip and trying to think of something more substantial to say. “Wait, didn’t Tary have a thing for you? I remember you having a whole conversation about that when we were coming back from Wildmount.”

It’s a stupid thing to say, and Vex knows it as soon as the words leave her mouth. She’s pretty sure talking about some other guy’s crush on him is somewhere high on the list of things not to talk about with exes, but to his credit, Percy just chuckles.

“He has a boyfriend, actually, some guy in the brigade,” Percy says. “I don’t know much about the fellow, but Tary seems happy with him.”

“Good,” Vex says. “I’m glad one of us ended up with someone good.”

There’s another pause, and Vex feels a sudden urge to bolt, to leave Whitestone and never look back, to simply forget about Percy and her title and everything else here.

Before she can do that, though, Percy sighs and speaks again. “Should we cut to the chase and just admit how painfully awkward this is?” Percy says.

“It really is dreadful, isn’t it?” Vex says, relaxing slightly. “We don’t need to do this, you know. I did have a little bit of business at the castle, but I’m sure someone else could handle it, and I’ll be gone in a few days.”

“That seems impractical. We have the same friends, and you are working with my sister. I don’t think we can avoid each other in perpetuity. Plus, forgiveness is key, isn’t it?” Percy says, a wry smile on his face.

“It’s been a long time since I said that,” Vex says. “I really don’t even know if I think that anymore.”

Percy gives her a long look, and for a moment, it looks like he’s about to ask her something, but he seems to think better of it and says, “I don’t blame you for what happened. I can’t pretend I’m happy about it, but I think if I were in your situation, I might have felt just as trapped.”

Vex smiles weakly. “It is rather remarkable that you of all people wound up being the homebody in our relationship.”

“Yes, well, I always was an indoor kid,” Percy says. “I suppose I’m lucky that accidentally blowing things up is a hobby that can be done from inside the confines of a castle.”

“Just don’t blow up the castle in the process,” Vex says. “In contrast, running around in the woods with a bear and shooting things doesn’t tend to go very well when you stay inside.”

Percy smiles. “I’m sure you’d make a valiant effort, but yes, I imagine that would pose quite a number of practical difficulties,” he says. “Anyways, I should really buy these supplies and get back to the castle. I’ll see you around, Vex.”

Vex smiles back. “I’ll see you around, Percy.”

\---

She’s been back with the Slayer’s Take for over half a year when Vanessa calls her and Zahra and Kashaw in for a special assignment. It’s unusual. In her time back, Vex has never seen a contract assigned to a specific team. They tend to just go whoever is around and capable when the contract comes in, so if Vanessa is calling them in specifically, something big must be happening.

“Good, you’re here,” Vanessa says in way of a greeting. “We have a bit of an unusual contract. As you know, most of our contracts concern creatures in Othanzia, but technically, we accept contracts from anyone. Recently, one has come in from the Air Ashari. It appears that there is a beast on the Elemental Plane of Air who is causing trouble, and they would like our help dealing with it. As this is both more dangerous and further away than our usual assignments, I thought I would specifically assign it to you three. I have been led to believe that you, especially you, Vex’ahlia, know the leader of the Air Ashari?”

“Yes, Keyleth, of course,” Vex says, suddenly excited. She and Keyleth have exchanged a few letters, but she hasn’t seen her since Keyleth left for Zephra.

“You’re right,” Kashaw says to Vanessa. “Another plane is really far away.”

“Darling, don’t tell me you won’t help Keyleth in her time of need,” Zahra says, giving him a significant look.

“I mean, obviously we’re taking the contract,” Kashaw says. “I’m just saying it’s far away.”

“Great, how do we get there?” Vex says.

\---

It turns out getting to Zephra is somewhat complicated, since Vex is traveling with two extremely accomplished casters who nevertheless have no teleportation magic. It turns out the easiest thing to do is to go to Pyrah and beg Cerkonos to send them through a tree. (Vex and Zahra wink at him a lot, which probably hurts their case more than it helps, but it’s fun.) All in all, it takes about two days to get there.

Zephra’s warmer than Vasselheim, but the winds are strong, and all three of them are nearly knocked on their feet as they step out of the tree. Vex braces herself and looks around, and it only takes a moment before she spots Keyleth standing in a clearing with a girl who can’t be any older than ten, trying to teach the girl a spell that, after a moment, Vex recognizes as Druidcraft. Vex has never seen her like this, patient and diligent and genuinely proud when the girl manages to produce a small leaf. It’s a good look on her.

Kashaw is staring in awe.

“You might want to pick your jaw up off the ground,” Zahra says, but Kashaw doesn’t seem to hear her, still transfixed on Keyleth.

“I didn’t know he was still into Keyleth,” Vex mutters to Zahra.

“Kash has been in love with Keyleth since the day they met,” Zahra says.

“Neither of you has mentioned it,” Vex says, and she’s not surprised exactly, but she feels a little weird about it.

“Well, Kash is emotionally constipated, and I sort of thought it would be weird to bring it up with you, given your brother,” Zahra says.

“Well, it’s not like he’s exactly around to compete for Keyleth’s heart anymore,” Vex says, trying to keep her tone light, though it hurts to say it. “Keyleth’s my friend, and I don’t want her to stay in mourning forever. Of course, if they do get together and he hurts her, I kill him.”

“If they get together and she hurts him, I kill her,” Zahra says.

It’s at that point that Keyleth finishes her lesson and spots them.

“Hey, guys! It’s really good to see you,” she says, rushing towards them.

“Keyleth, darling, so good to see you too,” Vex says, pulling her into a big hug. “You look great. What’s your skincare secret?”

“Oh, you know, become an archdruid and stop aging at a normal rate. Normal stuff, really,” Keyleth says.

“Of course, I clearly should have thought to do that sooner,” Vex says.

Keyleth takes a step back and turns towards the other two.

“Hey,” Kashaw says flatly.

“Hi, Kash,” Keyleth says.

“So, uh, it’s windy here,” Kashaw says.

“Yeah, it is windy,” Keyleth says, and she almost sounds proud. “I mean, of course it’s windy, this is close to the Plane of Air, and wind is air, so, you know, wind happens sort of a lot around here.”

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve heard wind is air,” Kashaw says.

Keyleth and Kashaw stare at each other for another minute, and Vex wonders if this moment is as awkward for them as it is for her until Zahra breaks the silence.

“So shall we go fight whatever dastardly monster is plaguing the elemental plane?” she says.

\---

Keyleth gives one of her ten-minute pep talks, and Vex notes that they actually are getting better. It’s still a little rambling, and she spends a full two minutes on a tangent about how pretty a passing butterfly is, but overall, it has a solid message, and it comes out shockingly eloquent given Keyleth’s general speaking abilities.

(“So is this just a thing she does now?” Kashaw mutters to Vex about halfway through the butterfly tangent.

“This is actually better than a lot of the ones she gave early on,” Vex says. “There was one that was mostly about bacon.”

Kashaw scowls. “I don’t understand you people.”)

As Keyleth finishes up her speech (which, remarkably, does give them a bit of extra energy, and Vex still isn’t quite sure how that works), she claps her hands and says, “Okay, now that that’s out of the way, we should talk logistics. The Plane of Air doesn’t exactly have a lot of ground, so we’ll need to fly. Vex, you still have your broom, right?”

“Obviously,” Vex says.

“Zahra and Kash, do you have anything that lets you fly?” Keyleth asks.

“I have a cloak,” Zahra says. “It’s not quite as versatile as Vex’s broom, but it will do in a pinch. I don’t think Kash has anything, though.”

“That’s okay, Kash can ride me,” Keyleth says, then suddenly realizing what she said, she blushes profusely. “I didn’t mean… that isn’t…”

Zahra grins broadly. “I’m sure Kash would love to ride you.”

“Yeah, that sounds cool,” Kashaw says. “Just, uh, how do I do that?”

“One second,” Keyleth says. She runs a bit away from them into a large clearing and then turns into a large silver dragon.

“Well, that’s certainly new,” Zahra says.

“That’s fucking hot,” Kashaw says.

Vex grins. “Kashaw, I had no idea you were into that sort of thing.”

“What? I think it’s really cool when people can do powerful magic,” Kashaw says.

“Really? Because I just thought you had a dragon fetish,” Vex says.

“I don’t have a dragon fetish,” Kashaw says. “That can’t be a real thing.”

“Oh, it most certainly is a real thing,” Zahra says. “I read a lot when we were fighting the Chroma Conclave. There’s a shocking number of dragon fetishists.”

“That’s weird,” Kashaw says.

“Kashaw, are you kinkshaming?” Vex asks.

“If the kink is dragons, yeah, I’m going to kinkshame,” Kashaw says.

“You know, you never have to feel ashamed of your sexual preferences around us, Kash,” Zahra says, gleefully joining in the joke.

“Yes, I mean, personally, I think dragons are assholes, but J’mon Sa Ord’s human form was rather attractive, so I suppose I could see the appeal,” Vex says.

Kashaw rolls his eyes and storms off towards the Keyleth dragon.

“Have fun riding Keyleth,” Vex calls out after him, just because she can.

\---

It’s a tough battle, and Vex nearly falls off her broom a few times, because, as much as Vex loves flying, it turns out flying in the gale force winds of the Elemental Plane of Air is a new and interesting challenge. In the end, they return to the Material Plane a little beat up but all fully alive and with their quarry slain, so Vex figures it went about as well as could be expected.

“So, uh, remember that time you pushed me through a tree?” Kashaw asks Keyleth as she shifts back into her half-elf form.

Keyleth blushes, instantly revealing that she very much does remember. “I mean, I use that spell a lot.”

“Okay, the time you told me you love drinks so much and then pushed me through a tree?” Kashaw asks.

“I do love drinks. So much. I drink so much. It’s a real problem in my life,” Keyleth says.

“Yeah, sounds like a serious problem,” Kash says. “So, uh, want to get that drink?”

“Well, I do really love drinks,” Keyleth says.

“Great, I’m paying,” Kashaw says.

The two of them walk off, leaving Vex and Zahra on their own.

“Well, it seems like they’re doing alright,” Zahra says.

“I honestly can never really tell with them,” Vex says.

“They are a bit awkward, aren’t they?” Zahra says.

“That’s the understatement of the year,” Vex says.

“Anyways, darling, shall we get a drink ourselves?” Zahra asks.

“Yes, that does seem to be called for after that fight,” Vex says.

They walk towards the building that seems to get used as a makeshift bar in the evenings. They don’t seem to be offering anything except some sort of mead brewed by one of the druids, so Vex orders two of those and brings it over to a small table, pushing one tankard towards Zahra. She takes a sip. It’s a little sweet for her taste but shockingly good.

“Can I ask you something a bit personal, darling?” Zahra says, taking a swig of her own drink.

“Of course,” Vex says. “Anything.”

“All this business with Keyleth and Kash is making me wonder. What happened between you and Percival?” Zahra says.

Vex sighs and takes a long swig of her drink. Of course this is what Zahra asks. They’ve had a lot of deep conversations over the past months, but the one thing Vex hasn’t brought up is Percy.

“He wanted to marry me, and I couldn’t marry him,” Vex says, putting it as simply as possible. “Tale as old as time.”

“I’m sorry,” Zahra says.

“It’s okay,” Vex says. “It was hard at first, but things have gotten a lot better. Percy and I are actually writing each other quite frequently these days.”

“Do you think you’ll get back together, then?” Zahra says.

“It wouldn’t exactly be fair to him, since I’m not moving back to Whitestone,” Vex says. “That’s half the reason I ended things in the first place.”

“You know, there are people who make long distance work,” Zahra says. “I know neither of you use much magic, but I’m sure you could secure access to teleportation.”

“I suppose,” Vex says. “It’s not just that, though. I don’t want to be with Percy anymore, not really. I think there was a time when we were really good for each other, but a lot has happened since them.”

Zahra looks at Vex, strangely intent. “So you’re over him, then?”

“That would be the simple answer,” Vex says.

“And the more complicated one?” Zahra asks.

“I don’t think you can be with someone for two years and just get over them,” Vex says. “I loved him, a part of me still does love him, and I just have to trust that the more rational part of me is stronger. And, well, there’s another thing.”

“Which is?”

“Vax really wanted us together,” Vex says.

“You know, as wonderful as he was, you don’t actually have to take dating advice from your dead brother,” Zahra says.

“It’s more than just dating advice,” Vex says. “Vax and I knew each other better than we knew ourselves sometimes, and he was rather insistent that the definitive way for me to be happy was to settle down in Whitestone with Percy.”

“I can’t say I knew him very well, but I get the impression that Vax was a bit funny about these things,” Zahra says. “You said once that he was really insistent about settling down with Keyleth until he made that deal with the Raven Queen.”

“He was,” Vex says. “But I don’t think he was entirely wrong about me and Percy. When Percy and I first got together, I was really happy, and I did spend a whole year in Whitestone with Percy after we beat the Chroma Conclave, and I really thought I could be happy settling down there.”

“And then Vecna?” Zahra says.

“And then the Raven Queen,” Vex says darkly. “Not having Vax sort of changed everything.”

“That makes a lot of sense,” Zahra says. “The way I see it, any plan that stakes your future happiness on one person isn’t a very good plan. As long as you had Vax, you always had someone other than Percy you knew would be an important part of your life, but obviously things have changed.”

“And you really think that?” Vex asks. “You and Kashaw are joined at the hip. It’s not romantic, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

“But isn’t he an important part of your future happiness?” Vex asks.

“Kash is my brother in every way that matters. If I were ever in a place where he was no longer a part of my life, I’d be devastated,” Zahra says. “But if that were to happen, the gods forbid, I’d have other people in my life. There’s you, and I’m friendly with the other people in the Slayer’s Take. Well, most of them. Aldor’s sort of a dick.”

“He really is,” Vex says. “I have no idea what Lyra sees in him.”

“Good cheekbones, probably,” Zahra says. “Anyways, even outside of the Slayer’s Take, I have plenty of friends in Vasselheim. I even get drinks with Lady Kima sometimes, when we’re both in town.”

“Oh, how is Kima?” Vex asks.

“She keeps complaining about how her wife is far too busy with boring political meetings,” Zahra says.

“Yes, that sounds like her,” Vex says.

“Anyways, I think it’s okay if other people make you happy, obviously. Even Kash has people who make him happy, and he hates nearly everyone he meets,” Zahra says. “I’m just saying that if being with one specific person is the only way you can be happy, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. That’s a lot to pin on one person.”

Vex takes another sip of her mead. “Yes, I suppose it is.”

\---

A few hours and several meads later, Vex finally has a chance to catch up with Keyleth.

“So, how are you darling? I haven’t gotten to see you all evening,” Vex says, sliding into an empty seat next to Keyleth.

“Yeah, I was kind of busy talking to Kash,” Keyleth says, a little sheepish.

“So I saw,” Vex says. “How are things going with you two?”

“Kash is nice,” Keyleth says.

Vex snorts. “No, he’s not.”

“He is,” Keyleth says. “He acts like he hates everything, but he’s actually really nice.”

“To you maybe,” Vex says.

“Yeah…” Keyleth says, trailing off a little.

“He really likes you, you know,” Vex says.

“I think he might,” Keyleth says. “It’s just complicated. You know, because of Vax.”

Vex takes a deep breath. She knew Vax was going to come up eventually, since she’s talking to Keyleth of all people, but she had thought it wouldn’t be quite so soon.

“I don’t think Vax wanted you to stay single for the rest of your life,” Vex says.

“I know that. It’s just weird,” Keyleth says. “Vax dying just sort of changed everything.”

“Well, that’s certainly true,” Vex says.

“Yeah, I shouldn’t be telling you that, I guess,” Keyleth says. “It must have changed more for you.”

Vex’s first inclination is to agree. How could Keyleth, who only knew him for a few years, know anything about what she’s been through? But then, she thinks back to those first few days, huddled in her house in Whitestone, and she thinks better.

“It probably did,” she admits, “but it had to be hard for you too, right? Have you talked to anyone about it since you left Whitestone?”

“A few,” Keyleth says. “There’s people here who still remember him from the time he was here. What about you? Wouldn’t most of the people who knew him in Vasselheim be in the Duskmeadow?”

“Yeah, I definitely haven’t been going there,” Vex says abruptly. “Pike’s still in Vasselheim. We don’t really talk about him that much, but she’s always very nice about it when we do.”

“Is Grog with her?” Keyleth asks.

“Sometimes. He moves around more, but he’s in Vasselheim a lot,” Vex says. “We don’t talk about Vax, though. Mostly I beg him not to use the Deck of Many Things again.”

“Why did you let him have that anyways?” Keyelth asks.

Vex sighs. “I was feeling magnanimous. Clearly, I should never do that again.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“No, really, I’m pretty sure he used it to upset the economy of Vasselheim,” Vex says.

“Yeah, okay, that’s pretty bad,” Keyleth says. “But seriously, do you have anyone to talk to about Vax?”

“There’s Zahra,” Vex says weakly.

“I didn’t think Zahra knew Vax very well,” Keyleth says.

“She didn’t,” Vex says. “I think that helps in a way. She didn’t know Vax, but she knew me when Vax was still alive, so she can listen without having her own thoughts about him affect things too much.”

“That’s good,” Keyleth says quietly. “I talked to Gilmore about him a few weeks ago.”

“You were talking to Gilmore?” Vex says. She hasn’t seen Gilmore, hasn’t even had any reason to go to Emon, since Vax died.

“I was in Emon a few weeks ago working out some political deals, and I needed to get some magic items for the tribe, and we wound up talking for a while,” Keyleth says. “He was in love with Vax too, you know.”

“I know,” Vex says, though until this moment, she hasn’t even thought about how Vax’s death would have affected Gilmore, too wrapped up in her own grief to think about anyone else, except for maybe Keyleth.

“We’d never really talked about him before. I think it would have been a little weird when he was still with me, but it was good to talk to someone who sort of felt the same way about him,” Keyleth says. “And we talked about everything we loved about him, how we was brave and kind and silly, and then…” She cuts herself off abruptly.

“Then what?” Vex asks.

“You’re going to think I’m a terrible person,” Keyleth says.

“Keyleth, I’ve seen you kill a child,” Vex says. “I don’t think anything you could say now will make you seem terrible.”

“Okay, well, I guess we were sort of talking about the things we hated about Vax,” Keyleth says hesitantly.

Vex raises an eyebrow. “Oh, well, tell me more about how you hate my dead brother,” she says, instinctively defensive about Vax.

“See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you about it,” Keyleth says. “Vax was incredible, of course, but sometimes I think he didn’t really know what he wanted. It’s why he and Gilmore danced around each other so long. It’s why I don’t even know if he and I would still be together if he were still alive.”

“Vax loved you,” Vex says, and she knows Keyleth has the right to think whatever she wants, and she doesn’t want to be mad at her, but all of her protective instincts are kicking in.

“I know, and I loved him, and I know he talked a lot about settling down here with me. I just don’t know if he would have been happy here,” Keyleth says. “Vax was kind of a big picture guy. It was almost stressful being with him sometimes, since he was so focused on the fate of the world. Here, we mostly just maintain things, and he wouldn’t even have been able to help much with the bigger parts of that, since he’s not a druid.”

Vex sighs, because it’s not like anything Keyleth is saying is wrong. “I wish I could say that you two would have lived a long and happy life together, but we can never really know, can we?” she says. “Sometimes it was like I could read Vax’s mind, but I never really knew what he really wanted in the long term with you. All I know is that before you, he hadn’t really had a home in a long time.”

“Yeah,” Keyleth says, shifting awkwardly. “That was the other problem. I think if he had stayed, he would have wanted to, you know, grow old together, and I can’t do that. I told him that a long time ago, but I don’t know if he really understood. Anyways, I could be wrong. I never really understood people very well. I just think it helps sometimes, thinking that maybe I would have ended up in the same place no matter what.”

“It must be nice to be able to think that,” Vex says, and Keyleth looks happy, so she’s trying to be nice about it, but she’s never had that option. Vax was the one constant in her life.

“Oh, I mean, you don’t have to,” Keyleth says. “Of course, you wouldn’t. Vax was your brother, and maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he and I would have been really happy together. It doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

“No, I suppose it doesn’t,” Vex says. “It’s just strange. I realistically know that Vax drove me crazy a lot of the time, but I can’t even think of things I didn’t like about him. I remember I was furious that one time he put ribbons on Trinket, but looking back on it, it just seems sweet.”

“That one was really cute,” Keyleth says.

“I know, but there’s other things too. We grew up together. It’s not like we didn’t fight,” Vex says. Letting her voice grow quieter, she says, “I’m not even mad at him for choosing to go with the Raven Queen. I’m just mad at her.”

“I’m mad at her too,” Keyleth says, half whispering. “But I’ve never really liked gods. It’s kind of weird, actually, thinking about it, that I might wind up with a cleric.”

“Well, to be fair, Kashaw really hates his god,” Vex says.

Keyleth smiles weakly. “And you’re sure he still likes me?”

“Zahra said that Kashaw has been in love with you from the day he met you,” Vex says.

“You know, Kash basically said the same thing about Zahra and you,” Keyleth.

“Zahra and me?” Vex asks. She’s shocked at first, but as she thinks about it, it makes a certain sort of sense. She certainly thinks Zahra’s attractive. She has ever since they met, before she even liked Zahra, and the two of them have only grown closer and closer over the years. Vex has never thought of it in terms of love exactly, too guarded with her feelings to admit what she might be feeling, even to herself, but calling it love doesn’t exactly sound wrong.

“Well, he didn’t use those words exactly. It was more like this.” She drops her voice trying to imitate Kashaw. “Z’s fucking thrilled that Vex is back. She’s never been able to shut up about how great Vex is anyways, so it’s just easier having her around.”

“Yeah, that sounds like him,” Vex says.

“Was it a good impression?” Keyleth asks, eager.

Vex smiles. “Spot on.”

\---

They head out the next morning. It will be a faster trip this time, since Keyleth can teleport them straight back to Vasselheim. They gather around one of Zephra’s largest trees and say their goodbyes.

“You guys should come back for Winter’s Crest next month,” Keyleth says excitedly. She’s looking at all three of them, but her gaze seems to linger mostly on Kashaw. “The portal is weaker around that time, and these weird energies come through it, and it makes these really pretty lights in the sky.”

“I don’t know. It sounds pretty cheesy,” Kashaw says.

“It is. It’s so cheesy. You should come so you can tell me how cheesy it is,” Keyleth says.

“I might have to. I can’t miss a chance to tell you how cheesy you are,” Kashaw says.

“And you don’t even have to go through Pyrah!” Keyleth says excitedly as if she hasn’t already convinced Kashaw. “You can write me and let me know what day you want to come, and I can pop through a tree and come get you from Vasselheim myself.”

“I’ll learn Sending,” Kashaw says. “You know, it’s a useful spell. I should know it even if it means I might have to hear your annoying voice more often.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll tell me just how annoying it is,” Keyleth says. She looks at him for another few seconds before turning back to the other two. “So Zahra, Vex, are you coming too?”

“I’ll go wherever Kash goes,” Zahra says. “And anyways, Vasselheim’s not exactly pleasant this time of year.”

“Great. What about you, Vex?” Keyleth asks.

Vex bites her lip, takes a long look at Zahra, and ponders the suggestion. She had been planning to spend Winter’s Crest in Whitestone. It’s a convenient time to go back and deal with some business, and she’s friends with Cassandra now, and she’s been trying to get back to some sort of normal with Percy. Thinking it over, though, Zephra just sounds like a better deal.

Vex smiles at Keyleth. “Well, as long as you say the lights will be pretty,” she says

\---

Vex brushes a snowflake out of her face. She leans back and stares up and thinks. The sky above her glows bright purple and green. Keyleth was right. It is beautiful.

“They seem to be doing quite well.”

Vex looks up, startled, to see Zahra standing next to her, tall and beautiful, her white hair almost glistening from the lights above. Zahra in turn seems to be looking a little ways off where Keyleth and Kashaw sit, Kashaw’s arm around Keyleth.

“Yes, they do,” Vex says half-heartedly, still distracted by her own thoughts.

“Penny for your thoughts, darling?” Zahra says, sitting down next to her. “You seem a bit dazed.”

“It’ll sound silly,” Vex says.

“I think we’re well past the point of worrying about silly around each other,” Zahra says.

Vex takes a deep breath. “I keep thinking Vax is going to show up. I know it’s silly, since he’s been dead for nearly two years now, but a part of me wants to think he’s hiding somewhere around here and that suddenly a snowball is going to hit me out of nowhere, and I’ll turn and see him lurking in a shadow.”

“Well, I do know Mage Hand. I could throw a snowball at you out of nowhere if you like, though I suppose it’s not quite the same,” Zahra says.

“No, it really isn’t,” Vex says, smiling in spite of herself. “There’s something else I’ve been thinking about too.”

“What is it?” Zahra asks.

“It’s something Percy and I talked about a lot when we were still together. We kept talking about forgiveness, about how forgiveness was key. It was after we got back from Syngorn, and I was starting to forgive my father for having been terrible for all those years, and I was so proud that I had finally started to forgive him,” Vex says. “But I don’t think I value forgiveness so much anymore. Or at least, I can’t forgive the Raven Queen for taking Vax from me.”

“I think there are some things you can’t forgive,” Zahra says. “I can never forgive my father.”

“Right,” Vex says. “You must think me rather silly talking about my grand revelations about my father when yours was actually evil.”

“It’s fine. By all accounts, your father’s an asshole,” Zahra says. “And I’m glad you’re in a better place with him, for whatever that’s worth.”

“Thanks,” Vex says. “It’s just… it’s always one step forward, two backward, isn’t it? What good is it forgiving my father if I can’t forgive someone much bigger?”

“The way I see it, it’s not about forgiving everything. It’s about not letting the things you can’t forgive consume you,” Zahra says. “So that’s the real question. Is your hatred of the Raven Queen consuming you?”

“I don’t think so,” Vex says. “Don’t get me wrong. Vax being gone still hurts, almost more than I can stand sometimes. And there are still days when I have to avoid the Duskmeadow, because I know that if I went there, I would be taken by an overwhelming urge to burn down the Raven Queen’s temple.”

“Well, I’m glad you have alternate routes through the city, then,” Zahra says. “I would be very distraught if they locked you away for arson.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Vex says. “But what I was trying to say is that I have other things in my life. I like being in the Slayer’s Take, and Cassandra is wonderful, and Kash is kind of a dick but a really great guy deep down. And there’s you.”

“Oh, do tell me more about myself,” Zahra says.

“Are you sure?”

“Certain, darling,” Zahra says. “After all, I am one of my favorite topics.”

“Well, you’re an excellent shopping companion,” Vex says. “You always manage to get us great deals, and you manage to do it without terrifying every shopkeeper in Vasselheim.”

“Yes, well, that does seem to be a particular problem of yours. Really, you would think that if I could manage not to be terrifying with my horns and pointy teeth, you could manage,” Zahra says. “But go on. What else do you like about me?”

“You’re good at magic,” Vex offers weakly. “I mean, Witch Bolt is super badass.”

“Now, you’re just going for the easy ones,” Zahra says, teasing.

Vex takes a deep breath. “You’ve always come through for me when I needed you. I don’t think I ever thanked you for everything you did when we were fighting the Chroma Conclave, doing all that research and making me an arrow and holding off those giants with Kash. It’s more than anyone could have asked of you,” Vex says. “And ever since I got back to Vasselheim, you’ve been exactly what I needed. I don’t mean to say anything bad about anyone in Vox Machina, since I love them all dearly, and they’re all still family to me, but I think after Vax’s death, a lot of them either walked on eggshells around me or tried to pretend that everything was normal. And you didn’t do either, and it’s been such a relief, really. I feel like I can talk to you in a way I can’t really talk to anyone else in my life right now.”

She stops talking and looks up at the sky, her gaze moving from the lights to the moon. It’s only a small sliver in the sky, but it still manages to remind Vex of Zahra, and she feels suddenly bold.

“I think I love you,” she says.

“I love you too,” Zahra says softly, and Vex realizes she’s said it before, once, right before they went to fight Thordak, and she thinks that this has always been a way her life could have gone. Not the only way, certainly, but it’s always been a possibility.

And then she can’t think much else, because Zahra is kissing her, slowly and gently.

“I can’t promise you anything,” Vex says as Zahra pulls away. “I’m not ready to start planning a whole future together when, for all I know, I could change my mind and decide to move back to Whitestone and be a noblewoman full time next year.”

“I know,” Zahra says calmly, and that’s all it takes for Vex to know they’re on the same page. “I’m not asking you to marry me, after all. Though if you ever do feel the inclination, I think Kash is ordained, and you know he would grumble through the entire ceremony.”

“Well, now I’m tempted. I do love to watch him squirm,” Vex says.

They kiss again, fiercer this time, and the moon shines a bit brighter above them.


End file.
